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  #1  
Old 10-01-2009, 11:38 AM
JustTara JustTara is offline
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Default When is it time to encourage moving out?

We are struggling with this right now. DSS is 20. He is a full time student and he works full time as well. I couldn't wait to move out when I was 17, but he is beating his feet, enjoying all the comforts of our home and having no financial responsibility towards it. He does what we ask, and there's not a rule problem or anything, but I just don't understand not wanting to go. He is trying to save money so he'll be *secure* when he goes, and I understand not wanting to eat Ramens for weeks, but there is something about that which builds character LOL. Is it normal for kids to stick around into their 20's???
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  #2  
Old 10-01-2009, 11:46 AM
thetoastercoaster thetoastercoaster is offline
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No idea really, I couldn't wait to move out either. Could you maybe start charging him rent - just a small amount, and like half of one of the bills, just so he can start learning financial obligations and responsibility? You could always put the money away without telling him and when he does move out give it to him to furnish his place or help with the activation fee's for water electric etc?
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Old 10-01-2009, 11:48 AM
Shopaholic Shopaholic is offline
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make a plan. Tell him he has six months andsit him down and say "what do you think needs to happen in the next six months to be ready?" that can include saving money, looking for 2nd hand furniture, learning to read the classifieds, saving for a deposit, etc.
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Old 10-01-2009, 12:33 PM
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My brother is 27 and shows NO signs of moving out. My BIL lived with us until last week and he is 25.
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Old 10-01-2009, 01:48 PM
My3Monkeys My3Monkeys is offline
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I was one of those weirdos who lived at home until I got married at 24. My parents weren't in a rush for me to move out. I was in school and worked for most of that time and then worked full time after I was out of school. This allowed me to save a ton of money so that when my dh and I bought our house a year before our wedding, we had money to buy what we needed and do the repairs it required (it was a fixer upper). I feel very fortunate that I was able to do this because my dh and I never had to pay rent for an apartment while trying to save a down payment for a house.
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  #6  
Old 10-01-2009, 05:19 PM
klen klen is offline
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I didn't fully move out until I was 24. my husband was the same. He didn't buy his first house until he was 25. He was living with his parents to save the money. We both went away to college for a few years so it wasn't like we were living there non stop.

I don't think it's a problem if he's following rules and saving money. I might ask him to provide a little money towards food.
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:28 PM
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I don't believe in the charging your kids rent thing. I think it takes away from the family home and everyone deserves that safety and comfort. I do believe in assigning major chores related to "grown-up" upkeep of the home. I also think it would be fine to control his savings, he has to pay you an agreed upon amount each month that you will then put in savings for him. He won't be able to touch it until he moves out.

I don't know what's going on these days. I was one of those that moved out at 16-17 but most of the kids I know in their early 20's are still at home. I think it's fine as long as they are either working or in school and being respectful of house rules. Things are a lot more expensive these days and it's not worth it to kick them out before they are ready and risk them damaging their credit because they can't afford the bills.
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:29 PM
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my sister is 29.. and is finally getting the urge to move out of my parents house
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  #9  
Old 10-01-2009, 05:55 PM
Katiebear Katiebear is offline
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I moved out as soon as I could.

I would probably work out some sort of rent, to help out. Not that you view him as a financial drain, but a lot of kids would rather pay rent on their own then to their parents.

All that said, I'm very grateful that DH lived at home for free for as long as he did. He was able to put enough money away for us to pay for more than a third of our home in cash.
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Old 10-01-2009, 06:07 PM
romanlili romanlili is offline
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I'm 25, married, with a child and we live with my parents (actually it's more of sharing a house).

I really don't completely understand this concept of pushing kids to go out on their own. When did we pick up this concept that is wasn't okay for families to live together? I also thought it was pretty common for people to live at "home" when going though college.

I don't know. If you want him out, kick him out. If he is comfortable at home why would he want to be on his own?
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Old 10-01-2009, 06:13 PM
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I dunno. As far as I'm concerned the kids can live here forever However I think at a certain age they should start helping with bills, like say around 19 or 20?
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Old 10-02-2009, 03:39 PM
bellibowbottoms bellibowbottoms is offline
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I never want my kids to leave. I'm trying to find a house with in-law quarters or a finished basement so if someone wants to get married and have my grandbabies they can still live with me. I have issues though, my son doesn't call me Smother for nothing.
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  #13  
Old 10-05-2009, 10:26 AM
Shopaholic Shopaholic is offline
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there are two kinds of "living at home"situations.

1) adult child is trying to save money and works hard, budgets well, etc, is respectful of the parents' home and does their part, participates in the home, etc. Also could be a college student who is living at hometo save money

2) adult child with no plans, no real budget, just lives at home and spends tons and tons of money w/o anyplans for moving out, their future, saving money, etc.

#1 I'd let stay in my home. #2 would not be allowed to keep living there.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bellibowbottoms View Post
I never want my kids to leave. I'm trying to find a house with in-law quarters or a finished basement so if someone wants to get married and have my grandbabies they can still live with me. I have issues though, my son doesn't call me Smother for nothing.
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In San Diego, you can find some "generational" family housing- its more popular in the mexican culture for extended family to live together and sometimes they actually build houses w/ that intent. My friend is a realtor and she sold a home that was huge- built exactly for multi generational living- it had 3 floors, all open (like not a duplex or "triplex"??) but open stairs between each level, and each level hada full home- full kitchen, bathrooms, living rooms, bedrooms etc. Kinda neat.
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Last edited by Shopaholic; 10-05-2009 at 10:28 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost by CDN
  #14  
Old 10-23-2009, 09:16 AM
MommyLovesStarWars MommyLovesStarWars is offline
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I moved out at 17, back in at 19 (moved back from NYC) and back out at almost 21.

I paid my parents rent after I turned 18.
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The rent was my choice though. I decided it was only fair that I pay since I was an adult. I was also a full time student and worked full time.
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  #15  
Old 10-23-2009, 11:10 AM
JDT JDT is offline
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I know people in the city who stay home into their 30's. I left home at 18, but that was mostly because my parent/s got on my nerves.

I say let him save but negotiate an exit plan.
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