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  #16  
Old 02-10-2013, 09:11 PM
-Blair- -Blair- is offline
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Originally Posted by bklyngirl View Post
I would change the bed time to a really early annoying time to convey the message he is beyond babying.

The listening to requests the first time? At this stage I don't know if it is always physically possible for them to do this.

My eldest is a very cooperative kid but I cannot tell you how many times I will need to repeat what I need from him. He will gladly do what I ask him but honestly I think he is at the age that he is thinking about things on a more serious level and he gets lost in his thoughts some time.

The wearing weather appropriate clothes. I just say, "You are not a toddler. I should not have to tell you what weather appropriate attire is."

But don't forget teen boys run like a 100 degrees hotter than we do.
I blame hormones.
I thought 9:30 was bad?!?

The dude tries to go outside when it's 30 degrees (which in Texas is almost the coldest it gets!!!) and snowing. The issue is really this ... he was raised with no coats/sweaters/pants. So, he is USED to the cold. However, he gets sick EASILY and I just want him to wear a SWEATER. So, he is now. That issue is over with.
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  #17  
Old 02-10-2013, 09:18 PM
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Originally Posted by aufrog View Post
I think you got some good advice so far. But the biggest thing I think I've learned from reading these threads over the years is that you have to pick your battles. There are certain things that you will just have to walk away from no matter how much it isn't how you want him to do it. If you want him to respect your commands and do as you say you can't nag and pick on him about everything (not saying you do).

Like the coat/sweater. I deal with that with my 5yr old when it's 0 degrees outside. I stopped telling him. he knows if he doesn't bring a coat he'll freeze. (I used to grab one and have it with us anyway). He soon realized that, yes he would get cold so he always takes it now. But the cold isn't going to make him sick so I stopped fighting with him and there were far worse things he does so that wasn't worth punishing over.

You also can't exhaust all your punishments and consequences on the little things. If you do that then what will you use for the really big bad things he may do?

Just some food for thought.
these are actually "natural consequences" she let happen naturally without fighting her DS. Show or Let consequences happen naturally instead of always fighting a battle.
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  #18  
Old 02-10-2013, 09:25 PM
bklyngirl bklyngirl is offline
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Originally Posted by -Blair- View Post
I thought 9:30 was bad?!?

The dude tries to go outside when it's 30 degrees (which in Texas is almost the coldest it gets!!!) and snowing. The issue is really this ... he was raised with no coats/sweaters/pants. So, he is USED to the cold. However, he gets sick EASILY and I just want him to wear a SWEATER. So, he is now. That issue is over with.
9:30 sounds good. I might be obnoxious and do 8:30 just to prove a point. We let ds self determine his bed time for a few weeks and he was exhausted because he didn't self regulate. So we explained he needed to go back to a set bed time. We'll try that again at some point.

I guess I'm always thinking at some point he needs to figure out for himself. I do not want to be "That Mom" who is waking up their 30 year old son to go to work.

You know how cold it is here in MA. I cannot tell you how many times I have had to say, "where are your gloves?" He's out there cleaning off the car getting frostbite. ridiculous.
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  #19  
Old 02-10-2013, 09:30 PM
Lolanae Lolanae is offline
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I don't have a teen, but the bedtime thing was something my mom fought with me. Finally she gave up in high school. She flat out side, stay up as late as you want, but you will be up on time each morning. So by doing that, I faced the natural consequence of deciding to stay up late. I learned to manage my bed time myself.
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  #20  
Old 02-10-2013, 11:08 PM
-Blair- -Blair- is offline
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Originally Posted by Lolanae View Post
I don't have a teen, but the bedtime thing was something my mom fought with me. Finally she gave up in high school. She flat out side, stay up as late as you want, but you will be up on time each morning. So by doing that, I faced the natural consequence of deciding to stay up late. I learned to manage my bed time myself.
The issue with that is this. He was not raised the first 15 years of his life. He WAS allowed to do that and he had all sorts of issues. I am cramming years of raising him into the 1.5 years (maybe more) he has left in my home. I HAVE to teach him how to put himself to bed at a normal hour EVEN IF that means you aren't exhausted/wanting to go to bed right then.
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  #21  
Old 02-11-2013, 12:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bklyngirl View Post
I would change the bed time to a really early annoying time to convey the message he is beyond babying.

The listening to requests the first time? At this stage I don't know if it is always physically possible for them to do this.

My eldest is a very cooperative kid but I cannot tell you how many times I will need to repeat what I need from him. He will gladly do what I ask him but honestly I think he is at the age that he is thinking about things on a more serious level and he gets lost in his thoughts some time.

The wearing weather appropriate clothes. I just say, "You are not a toddler. I should not have to tell you what weather appropriate attire is."

But don't forget teen boys run like a 100 degrees hotter than we do.
I blame hormones.

He has ADHD yes? Blnkygirl may be on to something about the not listening one. it may be they he isn't willfully disobeying, the request may literally go into his mind and right back out, because it isn't something he is really interested in doing to do, so his brain refuses to focus on it.

Totally not am excuse, he needs to figure our a way around the problem. But out might be a but of an explanation. I know I've always had issues with this. Still do.
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  #22  
Old 02-11-2013, 01:09 AM
-Blair- -Blair- is offline
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He's highly medicated.

This USED to be a big issue that he would get VERY frustrated about before he was medicated. He would get so upset at himself for forgetting. Now, it is purposely forgetting ... or prioritizing video games over doing what needs to be done.
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  #23  
Old 02-11-2013, 01:29 AM
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Originally Posted by -Blair- View Post
He's highly medicated.

This USED to be a big issue that he would get VERY frustrated about before he was medicated. He would get so upset at himself for forgetting. Now, it is purposely forgetting ... or prioritizing video games over doing what needs to be done.
Ahhhh, that makes sense! I've only recently tried medication and it definitely helps. A LOT. I still have problems from time-to-time though.
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  #24  
Old 02-11-2013, 01:43 AM
-Blair- -Blair- is offline
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He can miraculously remember the tiniest of details when it comes to things he is interested in/likes/wants to do. That's why I don't think he has that issue any longer. Plus, it doesn't frustrate him that he conveniently forgot.
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  #25  
Old 02-11-2013, 01:46 AM
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Originally Posted by -Blair- View Post
He can miraculously remember the tiniest of details when it comes to things he is interested in/likes/wants to do. That's why I don't think he has that issue any longer. Plus, it doesn't frustrate him that he conveniently forgot.
Heh, well that is one of the hallmarks of ADHD. Most ADHD people have no problem focusing on things they want to do or they find interesting. It's only things they find boring or tedious or pointless that we have trouble with.
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  #26  
Old 02-11-2013, 01:49 AM
Lolanae Lolanae is offline
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Heh, well that is one of the hallmarks of ADHD. Most ADHD people have no problem focusing on things they want to do or they find interesting. It's only things they find boring or tedious or pointless that we have trouble with.
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  #27  
Old 02-11-2013, 01:49 AM
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Ehh, he actually had problems with that when he wasn't on medication! He would forget things that were even important to him.
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  #28  
Old 02-11-2013, 02:01 AM
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For the bedtime, I think I would wake him up early every day. So you stayed up until 1 am? Nice to see ya. It's 6:30 am (or whenever you get up). Too bad you got so little sleep. Maybe tonight you'll think about going to bed earlier.
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  #29  
Old 02-11-2013, 02:26 AM
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I wouldn't focus on what he can and cannot remember as a mark of his ADHD being under control. It is totally possible that his meds are truly not working and it is to a minor degree but still one that needs to be addressed.
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  #30  
Old 02-11-2013, 02:30 AM
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I wouldn't focus on what he can and cannot remember as a mark of his ADHD being under control. It is totally possible that his meds are truly not working and it is to a minor degree but still one that needs to be addressed.
I was going to say something similar, but I didn't want Blair to think I was arguing with her. I'm not! Blair is the MamaBear and she knows her son best. But. The meds I'm on don't make me totally better. I still have issues. Meds are never going to make you a person without ADHD. They just help you cope. And Elf is right, it might be a good idea to revisit his med regiment with his doctor.
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