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  #1  
Old 01-28-2013, 03:40 PM
TyAndCheyMommy TyAndCheyMommy is offline
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Default Homework and Grades?

I have 2 ninth graders. They are both failing almost every subject. The only class they are both passing is Shop.
I am not sure what to do.
We have a specific time each day where they sit down and work on homework. They have to be there for an hour, but are able to study for as long as needed. During this time I am available to help them at any point.

The homework they do I check and they always get an A. Yet they are failing all the in school work as well as the tests which results in failing grades.

When doing the homework I do not give them the answers. I help them to figure out how to get them. I help them to understand it... by the time they are done with an assignment they know what they are doing.
Yet they still get back to school and fail.

I don't know what more I can do. I have talked with teachers. They have expressed concern that they are both distracting in class and talk a lot.

The principle calls me every week because the kids are failing classes. They have the chance in almost all classes to make up any failed assignment or test. Yet I can't really do much more for them at home without having stuff to do.

I really don't want to be that parent that calls and emails the teachers every day trying to find out what my kids need to do in school... Yet here I am- that parent.

I need suggestions. They both have IEPs with extra help... but they can't have any extra on tests. The in class things, like participation, are also on them...
  #2  
Old 01-28-2013, 03:46 PM
romanlili romanlili is offline
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You can't force them to care. But they wouldn't have a single privilege in my home if they were failing. No doors on bedrooms, no electronics at all. All they would be doing is eat, chores, school, and sleep. No friends either. Their job as a teen is to go to school. If they can't do that, they don't get the other privileges other teens do.
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  #3  
Old 01-28-2013, 03:50 PM
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do they understand that there is no "social promotion" like in middle school? Should they fail and not pass the required classes they will not graduate?
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  #4  
Old 01-28-2013, 03:52 PM
TyAndCheyMommy TyAndCheyMommy is offline
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Originally Posted by romanlili View Post
You can't force them to care. But they wouldn't have a single privilege in my home if they were failing. No doors on bedrooms, no electronics at all. All they would be doing is eat, chores, school, and sleep. No friends either. Their job as a teen is to go to school. If they can't do that, they don't get the other privileges other teens do.
They have no privileges right now. They don't get any electronics, they don't have any friend contact... they don't even get to go to confirmation class because of it. Pretty much they get home, do their chores real quick, and spend the rest of the night sitting at their desks working on homework or reading...
  #5  
Old 01-28-2013, 03:54 PM
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I'm not sure what else you can do. It seems like you are getting themto do their homework and studying! The one think I had to remember when I was teaching was "special ed kids have a right to fail". They really do. If they have the modifications they need and they are still choosing to fail then you can't really do much else. Hopefully they shape up when reality slaps them in the face- like when their friends are in 10th grade classes and they are not.
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  #6  
Old 01-28-2013, 03:56 PM
TyAndCheyMommy TyAndCheyMommy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shopaholic View Post
do they understand that there is no "social promotion" like in middle school? Should they fail and not pass the required classes they will not graduate?
I honestly don't think they get that.
Aaron has big plans to go into the Marines... which he has to have an high school diploma for. He has already failed and been held back one year, so he is already a year older than all the 9th graders.
Samantha wants to go to University of Nebraska... she claims she wants to go to med school and become a pediatrician... I don't want to have to tell her that the way she is going it will NEVER happen, but honestly I don't think she is able to...

Neither of them seem to care that they are failing. Their excuse is always "everyone in class is failing"
~~~~~~~
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shopaholic View Post
I'm not sure what else you can do. It seems like you are getting themto do their homework and studying! The one think I had to remember when I was teaching was "special ed kids have a right to fail". They really do. If they have the modifications they need and they are still choosing to fail then you can't really do much else. Hopefully they shape up when reality slaps them in the face- like when their friends are in 10th grade classes and they are not.
Aaron has ADHD which is why he has an IEP.
Samantha has an IEP because she claims the work is just to hard for her to keep up ... The school is actually "phasing her out" of the IEP. She came here with an IEP and they agreed to keep it for 6 months, but there really isn't a whole lot they can do for her.

Last edited by TyAndCheyMommy; 01-28-2013 at 03:58 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost by CDN
  #7  
Old 01-28-2013, 03:58 PM
romanlili romanlili is offline
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If they have a strong enough will, and truly don't care you can't make them do it. If they have already lost privileges, if they understand they will be stuck in the 9th grade (and if was an option their butts would be in summer school) and still don't do the work, there is really nothing you can do. I know patents don't like to hear that. That you really can't force your children to do something try don't want to do, but it's the sad truth. You can't force them to use the resources provided to them.
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Last edited by romanlili; 01-28-2013 at 03:59 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost by CDN
  #8  
Old 01-28-2013, 04:04 PM
TyAndCheyMommy TyAndCheyMommy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by romanlili View Post
If they have a strong enough will, and truly don't care you can't make them do it. If they have already lost privileges, if they understand they will be stuck in the 9th grade (and if was an option their butts would be in summer school) and still don't do the work, there is really nothing you can do. I know patents don't like to hear that. That you really can't force your children to do something try don't want to do, but it's the sad truth. You can't force them to use the resources provided to them.
~~~~~~~
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Ok so question for you- how do I get the dang principle off my back? I honestly don't know what more I can do to help these kids WANT to do school work... therefore I don't think the principle should be calling me and telling me I need to be more involved.
  #9  
Old 01-28-2013, 04:09 PM
romanlili romanlili is offline
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I dunno. It's his job to hound parents. But of you are doing everything in your power to help them, and they are refusing to do better, you are kind of stuck in a stalemate.

What has he offered or suggestions?
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  #10  
Old 01-28-2013, 04:14 PM
Shopaholic Shopaholic is offline
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I think its perfectly okay to tell kids "if this is your plan or your dream, here is wha tyou need to get there". I used to get really frustrated in IEP meetings when no one wanted to be realistic with akid. I had a kid saying he wanted to be an attorney, but barely did any work and was failing spec ed level classes like English and math solely b/c he didn't put any effort in. I point blank told him "If you truly want to be an attorney you need to work your way out of spec ed level classes and do well in college prep level. thenyou need to complete four years of college with stellar grades. Then you need to take and pass the LSATS and apply to law school. AFter that you need to take and pass a very hard exam. If you truly want to be an attorney I can help you get on that path now.if you don't want to be an attorney stay on the path you are on.

I see no reason to not spell it all out for them. even have your son sit with you are a marine recruiter to have him tell your son this.
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Old 01-28-2013, 08:32 PM
Julie K Julie K is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by romanlili View Post
You can't force them to care. But they wouldn't have a single privilege in my home if they were failing. No doors on bedrooms, no electronics at all. All they would be doing is eat, chores, school, and sleep. No friends either. Their job as a teen is to go to school. If they can't do that, they don't get the other privileges other teens do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by romanlili View Post
If they have a strong enough will, and truly don't care you can't make them do it. If they have already lost privileges, if they understand they will be stuck in the 9th grade (and if was an option their butts would be in summer school) and still don't do the work, there is really nothing you can do. I know patents don't like to hear that. That you really can't force your children to do something try don't want to do, but it's the sad truth. You can't force them to use the resources provided to them.
~~~~~~~
*parents
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  #12  
Old 01-30-2013, 01:44 AM
jenniferjunniper jenniferjunniper is offline
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We dont beat around the bush here. If my DD was failing and was saying she wanted to go to medical school, I would say, sorry, you wont make it, you dont do well enough in school, and if this is a dream of yours, ~POOP~ or get off the pot.
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I also did not let my ODD take an AP class because she wanted to. She was not doing well in regular biology, and I told her, she could not take the class, until she put in effort into the easier class. Period. I refused to sign her schedule. But I also agree with others. you cannot make them do anything, I know we think we have all this control, but really we dont.
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Last edited by jenniferjunniper; 01-30-2013 at 01:45 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost by CDN
  #13  
Old 01-30-2013, 02:16 AM
MeganPaige MeganPaige is offline
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To get the principal off your back, I'm assuming you told her that you're doing xyz on you part? Perhaps find a way to politely tell her that the kids need her on their ass not yours. Like instead of calling you, go use that five minutes to check on the kids.

Would it help to have you or your DH sit and baby them through each class? With social status being so important at that age, it wouldn't take long for them to become embarrassed enough to get their acts together. I don't now if that's even a possibility for you, just a thought.

It's hard because if a kid truly doesn't care there is really nothing you can do to make them.
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Old 01-30-2013, 02:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenniferjunniper View Post
We dont beat around the bush here. If my DD was failing and was saying she wanted to go to medical school, I would say, sorry, you wont make it, you dont do well enough in school, and if this is a dream of yours, ~POOP~ or get off the pot.
~~~~~~~
I also did not let my ODD take an AP class because she wanted to. She was not doing well in regular biology, and I told her, she could not take the class, until she put in effort into the easier class. Period. I refused to sign her schedule. But I also agree with others. you cannot make them do anything, I know we think we have all this control, but really we dont.
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Old 01-30-2013, 05:13 PM
aschrimp aschrimp is offline
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I would probably consider going to class with them (or having your dh do it) to try to figure out what the issue is. Counseling may help, too, to figure out a reason that they aren't motivated to do well. Are they depressed? It's not uncommon with teens these days, and you guys have had some major changes going on lately.

Also, if there is a problem with testing because they are distracted, there is IEP stuff that can be provided for that. They should be able to do their tests in a distraction-free area, rather than a full classroom. They even offer this at most colleges!
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