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  #16  
Old 07-09-2015, 05:08 PM
yeswehave8 yeswehave8 is offline
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Originally Posted by urchin_grey View Post
Not to bring anyone down further but I was reminded of this thread reading about baby Aaden. No, the couple wasn't married but not the point.

This guy was suffering a mental illness. The legal system (aka an idiot judge) failed to protect the mother of his child and their son. So since she had no choice, the mom tried to work with the dad in co-parenting. And now her baby is dead.

I'm not saying kick a mentally ill person when they are down or abandon them or whatever. But the safety of the ones around them come first.
I was thinking about that boy in the swing. His dad should have fought harder for him, he'd be alive today. I still cannot fathom swinging your toddler to death. It haunts me. On top of that case, more stories have come out recently with our girls and things their mother did with them when they were in her care... Stuff we never knew about... Like being left alone in a car for over an hour while she went to see her psychiatrist. They were about 4 & 5!
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My beautiful firstborn son earned his wings on 12/11/16 just 6 weeks after his 23rd birthday. A drunk driver killed my child. Please, please, PLEASE don't drink and drive. I miss my son. :(
  #17  
Old 07-09-2015, 05:22 PM
urchin_grey urchin_grey is offline
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Originally Posted by yeswehave8 View Post
I was thinking about that boy in the swing. His dad should have fought harder for him, he'd be alive today. I still cannot fathom swinging your toddler to death. It haunts me. On top of that case, more stories have come out recently with our girls and things their mother did with them when they were in her care... Stuff we never knew about... Like being left alone in a car for over an hour while she went to see her psychiatrist. They were about 4 & 5!
Oh wow, killed in a swing...?? I hadn't heard about that one.

It's something new every damn day.
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  #18  
Old 07-09-2015, 06:04 PM
CaerRuthryis CaerRuthryis is offline
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Baby Aaden was 40 minutes from our old hometown. We drove over that bridge all of the time.
That whole things blows my mind, that what she wrote was not enough to get a restraining order. So sad.
I just read about the baby who was essentially swung to death. His mom put him in the swing and swung him for two days? He died of dehydration and hypothermia. Poor baby.
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  #19  
Old 07-10-2015, 01:26 AM
BeccaCCKK BeccaCCKK is offline
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I have been trying to figure what exactly to say about this. It took ages for him to even entertain the idea that he had PTSD. Now it seems as if that is his scape goat. Not throwing it in my face persay but just make little hints about it just something that makes him feel better when something happens. He went in head first and was all balls to the wall about making it better. We have done the trial separation while he gets it back in order. Now he has gotten that taste of the "bachelor" life and I feel like I have lost him all together. His 2 best friends have lost their minds also. One is in the process of leaving his wife for no legit reason.

So I am faced with the fact that he is making the effort so it would be a real craptastic thing to do to just call it quits when the effort was put forth. He makes sure that I am aware how "hard" it is.
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  #20  
Old 07-10-2015, 02:31 AM
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I'm sorry. That sounds really tough
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  #21  
Old 07-10-2015, 04:35 AM
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I don't know. Is throwing your issues in your spouse's face really making an effort? I'd have a very hard time with that. Have you gone to counselling with him to see what the therapist has to say? Have you seen him/her on your own too?

I'm not going to share my views on marriage here, but I will say that is have a hard time sticking around for someone who would prefer the bachelor life over a life with me and our kids.
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  #22  
Old 07-10-2015, 12:08 PM
HugnKiss HugnKiss is offline
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Buy is he making an effort? Or is he living the best of both worlds while using his diagnosis as a scape goat? Because they're not the same thing. He should be figuring out what h needs to do to learn to live happily with his family again. (((Hugs))) Im here if you need to talk.
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  #23  
Old 07-10-2015, 04:21 PM
BeccaCCKK BeccaCCKK is offline
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I am confused honestly. He keeps me updated on the things he is doing. He is proud when he gets something off the check list. And this weekend he offered to take child #2 golfing. That is a huge improvement over the previous eye roll when I remind him that he has kids. He complains about having to live in a hotel, but when we throw the kids in for a weekend he gets very short and snappy with everyone. He complains that we don't get any alone time. Well I am sorry as I have not had a genuine moment alone in 9 months. I am sharing a bedroom with my 8 year old son right now. The other 3 girls are sharing the other bedroom. That is when I realize he doesn't have that grip on reality that he has kids and a family.

I have taken the only card we have that is on the account where he got his separation bonus. So there is still money there. Otherwise it would all be gone with nothing to show.
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  #24  
Old 07-11-2015, 09:27 PM
yeswehave8 yeswehave8 is offline
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I'm guessing he's not really present in day to day life as it is. If you're already living separately and he's basically phoning it in, would you really be leaving him after all? Just kind of reaffirming what's already in place, right?
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Grown/ gone: DD 25, DD 19, DD 18... who has lost her frickin mind!!

My beautiful firstborn son earned his wings on 12/11/16 just 6 weeks after his 23rd birthday. A drunk driver killed my child. Please, please, PLEASE don't drink and drive. I miss my son. :(
  #25  
Old 07-12-2015, 12:20 AM
BeccaCCKK BeccaCCKK is offline
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Yes and no. He had moved to the place where we planned on moving all along. It is 5 hours away. He has gotten a job where he has already taken a top position in. And is doing everything the credit people are saying to get his score up and everything off of his credit. The time apart has given both of us time to breathe and work on everything.
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  #26  
Old 07-12-2015, 04:58 AM
symphony of pixels symphony of pixels is offline
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Well, in my experience the "treatment" made it worse, in part because ex rarely went to his appointments. He even decided to scream his "sticking points" at me one night in a drunken fit. But, I'm also agnostic and didn't care about my vows at that point, I just wanted to live a normal life again.

As as aside, ex was abusive BEFORE the military induced PTSD, the PTSD just made it worse, and the added alcohol didn't help either.
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  #27  
Old 07-12-2015, 09:42 PM
BeccaCCKK BeccaCCKK is offline
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He cracked on fb this morning about everything. My heart hurts because I don't know what to do for him to help him.
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  #28  
Old 07-12-2015, 09:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeccaCCKK View Post
He cracked on fb this morning about everything. My heart hurts because I don't know what to do for him to help him.
sorry to hear you are dealing with that. I don't have any real advice or an answer to your question, though.
  #29  
Old 07-12-2015, 11:16 PM
yeswehave8 yeswehave8 is offline
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I'm so sorry... Is he in therapy? On meds? Is he still spiraling out if control? Are you fearful for your safety around him? All those would play into my decision.
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Grown/ gone: DD 25, DD 19, DD 18... who has lost her frickin mind!!

My beautiful firstborn son earned his wings on 12/11/16 just 6 weeks after his 23rd birthday. A drunk driver killed my child. Please, please, PLEASE don't drink and drive. I miss my son. :(
  #30  
Old 07-13-2015, 02:23 PM
BeccaCCKK BeccaCCKK is offline
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I don't think he is therapy. He was taking meds. But I don't know because of the distance. He is doing a lot of impulse things. And no I am not scared that anything else will happen. Now it is more actions of acting like he just doesn't want this life he has been handed. But in his fb post he addressed just how much he misses his family and cant wait until we are whole.
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