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  #1  
Old 01-14-2011, 11:05 AM
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Treighsie Treighsie is offline
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Default I feel like I'm losing my teen...

A quick convo that happened last night...
We were on our way to watch the modified basketball games play. Sam used to be all into basketball, she was the best one on the team (no lie). But she started backing away from basketball and now this year she is only playing CYO (a non-school team) and has never played modified. So I kinda said "Why don't you play modified? You should be on that team. You love basketball" and she said "No I don't." I said "you always did" and she said "When? In second grade? Back when I wanted to playbasketball for Siena College?" And I was like, "Yeah, don't you still want to??" And she said "I don't even want to go to college."



I asked DH about it last night. She has really bad knees and I know that was a big reason she didn't want to continue basketball. He reminded me of that.
And he thinks she is just stressed out. She's having to choose high school classes andshe doesn't want to think that far ahead.

I don't know. She is a SMART kid. She is extremely athletic. I feel like she's going to let it all go.
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  #2  
Old 01-14-2011, 12:02 PM
My3sons My3sons is offline
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I was very much like Sam at her age. Rude to everyone, hated my parents, couldn't care less about school. I was a spoiled brat.
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  #3  
Old 01-14-2011, 12:29 PM
KRusso KRusso is offline
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{{{Hugs}}} She has plenty of time to change her mind about college, DD gets that way when she's stressed and hormonal.
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  #4  
Old 01-14-2011, 12:35 PM
L'Hippopotame bleu L'Hippopotame bleu is offline
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Coming from someone who was pushed to the max in athletics, had first knee surgery as a sophmore in high school. Let her just be a kid and do the things she wants. If she really enjoys basketball, or any other sport...she'll pick it back up. Those years can be stressful and confusing, and she just needs support.
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Old 01-14-2011, 01:04 PM
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BeccatheGreat BeccatheGreat is offline
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You know, though, people's tastes can change. It could really be that she doesn't want to play basketball anymore. Maybe she would want to try something else.
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  #6  
Old 01-14-2011, 01:30 PM
Tamatha278 Tamatha278 is offline
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Can you take her out on a date, just the two of you, and do something that you'd both enjoy? Take some time to reconnect and talk. I wonder if she just needs to know that you support whatever decision she makes.

I do NOT look forward to parenting a teen girl.
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  #7  
Old 01-14-2011, 02:43 PM
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Honestly, that doesn't sound too far out of line. Even without the knee issues, peoples dreams change. Hell, I'm going to be 30 this year and I've only recently figured out what I want to spend my time doing. She just about to turn 14 -- she should be exploring and trying new things. I'd be more concerned at that age if she had "a plan" that she was refusing to deviate from. This should be a time when she has the freedom to test new waters -- maybe she's tired of being lumped into the "athletic" category. Maybe she wants to try art, music, theater, shop class, or a political or humanitarian group. Or maybe she doesn't want to be associated with anything for a while.

Starting high school is a major event. Let her manage this before pressuring her to make decisions about college already; there is plenty of time for that. And I really don't think that her being overwhelmed by the start of school and the new responsibilities that go along with that means she's going to throw it all away. I said (and still do, sometimes) say things in the throes of stress that I don't really mean. And even if she does mean it -- college isn't the be all, end all of life. Plenty of people are successful (and more importantly - happy!!) without having ever set foot on a college campus. Or maybe she'll need to take a year off between high school and college to decide that it really is what she wants to do. My point is, you can't know and neither can she, so demanding she have a plan and stick to it is not only unrealistic, it's bound to cause tension between the two of you.
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Old 01-14-2011, 02:50 PM
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This is a hard time for you and for her. I really like the suggesting of girl time, with just her and you. That might be what she needs to reconnect.
I would see if she is interested in any other activities in the meantime. I think I played soccer before I got into cheerleading, and I did track for a year. I also had several clubs. But I needed to be interested, and I'm grateful that my mom didn't really push me into any direction (except for keeping my grades up). It allowed me to explore and find a direction for me.
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Old 01-14-2011, 03:04 PM
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Treighsie Treighsie is offline
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I should say, she is big into softball and is going out for JV this year, so she's not totally giving everything up.

I am trying to be supportive, I just don't want to see her go down the raod I did.
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Old 01-14-2011, 03:18 PM
Lily_Grace Lily_Grace is offline
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We plan on having The Kid read The Teenage Liberation Handbook in a few years - not so he can quit school, but to help him develop a path he wants to be on to get where he's going. Right now we have weekly sit downs to go over mandatory (for our family) goals:
-personal achievement
-community service
-educational achievement

I don't care how they're done, just that he sees these as requirements to get where he's going.......no matter where he goes. Right now he wants to be a pilot, but I see that changing as he gets older. Fine. He'll need to have a great package to get into the academy. If he decides he doesn't want to do college - fine. He'll still need to continue to educate himself so that he does find his way.
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Old 01-14-2011, 03:29 PM
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If it were my teen I would let her quit BBall if she was unhappy doing it. When I was in HS I did what I wanted to do-work. I was an asshole to my Mom during those years but I'm grateful my parents let me be independent in some ways.
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  #12  
Old 01-21-2011, 05:39 PM
Pastrymel Pastrymel is offline
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I hear ya. My DD is quitting band next year (HS freshman year). I keep telling her that's when it gets fun! Trips, pep band, friends, but she's not having it. Hopefully she'll make a decision that fits for her until then I just worry.
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Old 01-21-2011, 09:37 PM
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Old 01-28-2011, 02:45 PM
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It could be that she kept playing because YOU wanted her to and she didn't know how to tell you. Now she has told you, let her spread her wings. You are back at the nest, but don't fear that she'll fall, if you have given her a good foundation in life she'll do fine...with or without college...with or without basketball. Don't let fear of her making your mistakes dictate your parenting. She will make mistakes. She will learn from them, but she is her own person.
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Old 01-28-2011, 03:28 PM
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I know it has to be hard to see her make different decisions, but just remember that they are only different right now - not bad ones. I had parents who pushed me to continue doing things they thought I dreamed of doing, and would not listen to what I wanted. They even went so far as to get teachers at my school to set up an intervention of sorts. Why? Because I didn't want to go straight to a private college to play ball and pursue a specific degree when I didn't know what I wanted to do there, or if I even wanted/needed to go to college.

I wanted to go to a much cheaper, much closer public one while I figured it out, and I let them all bully me. So now I have two years worth of private school loans but no degree, because those old dreams weren't MINE any more, and my parents were the ones stuck on them.

So just be careful to support her and help her when she needs guidance, without pushing her into anything.
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